I am a 28 year old, sexually active woman.
I have been sexually active for almost a decade now.
Gosh! Reading that last part out loud makes me feel a certain kind of way about my age.
(Weird thing on the same note: I got my driving licence exactly 10 years ago, and I have never touched the wheel of a car since then. What exactly is wrong with me?).
Anyway. Where were we?
Oh yeah, sex!
I love having sex, especially now that I do it with someone I have very strong feelings for.
Nowadays, I’m very responsible about sex. Like very responsible!
But, I wasn’t always such a good girl.
Yes, there was a time when pain, confusion, depression, and stupidity of youth ran my life.
Sex was part of my poison, and boy, did I indulge! And, in many instances, I was doing it without taking the necessary precautions.
I got away with my recklessness. I’m a lucky little girl.
Not so smart but infinitely lucky.
I didn’t get sick; I didn’t get pregnant.
How? No idea. Fortunately, my stupidity phase gradually wore out as I entered my later 20s, before I could make any life changing mistakes.
I still don’t have a strong liking for children, and I shudder to think about the kind of mother I would have become had I accidentally fallen pregnant during this tumultuous stage of my life.
I don’t know why I lack the apparently ‘inherent’ motherly instinct. I guess I just wasn’t born with it.
I would have been a bad mother, that’s a fact. Why would I have been a bad mother? Because, I’m sure I wouldn’t have wanted the child. And, being forced to keep that child would have made me resent this innocent being, because, as you know, I was a dumb child back then.
I’m sure even the shape of his/her head would have ticked me off.
It sounds mean, but it’s true. I just wasn’t ready for such a huge responsibility then.
I’m ready for the financial responsibility now, but, I don’t think I’m ready for the mental, emotional, and physical responsibility as of yet. I might be 28, but I seem to mature much slower than other females.
Emotionally that is… I’m all good in the physical sector, thank you!
Abortion is illegal in our country, and I don’t know if I would have received any help in acquiring one ‘under water’.
I hear abortion is commonplace in Kenya, but, I wouldn’t know where to start. I just don’t have the streetsmarts like other girls do.
It simply wouldn’t have been an option for me, and I’m sure it isn’t an option for millions of Kenyan girls who are/were just as naive and as reckless as I was, but also unlucky.
But, it should be an option. An option made available to the millions of horny teenage girls who are as reckless and as naive as I was back then.
People make mistakes all of the time especially when it comes to sex. I don’t see why women need to be the ones bearing the brunt of mistakes that can easily be rectified with one medical procedure.
If I had fallen pregnant at this time, I would have sought an abortion with everything in me. There’s no way I would carry a baby I didn’t want, and I wasn’t ready for simply because I would have been a pretty useless mum back then.
Motherhood is serious. You need to go into it wholeheartedly. You shouldn’t just get into it accidentally, and hope for the best, especially when you are not mature enough, and cannot support yourself and the baby.
Abortion should also be an option to girls who have been raped by strangers and by family members, and ended up pregnant.
It should be an option to women whose health and lives would be in danger if they carried a high risk pregnancy to term.
An option to women carrying nonviable pregnancies; as well as an option to women who would give birth to babies with severe defects if forced to carry their pregnancies to full term.
Abortion should be an option. A legal option to any woman in this country. An option that doesn’t carry with it any shame, or ostracism.
However, it should only just be the option of last resort.
We need to focus on preventing these unwanted pregnancies in the first place.
Let’s begin by educating teenage girls on using protection everytime they engage in sex.
Not just in class. Everywhere!
Let there be government sponsored ads on billboards and on TV that specifically target young girls with the aim of informing and educating them of their individual responsibility for their own sexual health.
Let it be so in their face that any teenager or young adult engaging in sex uses protection instinctively.
We also need to start proactively giving our girls and young women access to condoms, and instilling in them the confidence to demand that their sexual partners use these every time they decide to engage in consensual sex.
It would be even more proactive to give our young girls access to female condoms so that they are completely in charge of their bodies.
Such a scenario would be so liberating!
Boys too need to be trained thoroughly on the importance of using condoms in every single sexual encounter; not just for the sake of avoiding unwanted pregnancies, but, also for their own sexual health.
While providing our girls with access to condoms and birth control, we also need to be engaging our girls on the consequences of unwanted pregnancies.
The loss of education/income opportunities, the stigma associated with early pregnancies, abandonment by the father of the child, and the physical, mental, financial, and emotional burden of having a child when you are just not ready.
If you are not ready for such a heavy responsibility, you are more than likely going to make some huge mistakes along the way.
No sane woman wants to make her child suffer the consequences of her ill-preparedness for the journey that is motherhood.
Furthermore, we need to actively educate women on seeking immediate medical attention in case of rape in order to avoid the possibility of a pregnancy, or worse, an STD.
(Can I just say that I am for the castration of male rapists especially those with pedophilic tendencies. But, this then raises the question of what would be an equal punishment for female rapists?….mmmmh, I’ll have to think further on that one).
Abortion should be made a legal and accessible option for each female in this country. But, as I said, it should only come as a last resort.
Before this, we need to pursue all preventive measures at our disposal to the fullest possible extent so that we can mitigate the risks that come with abortions, regardless of how legal and safe they may be.
It’s more than a tad unfair to make young girls, who are simply dipping their toes into the turbulent waters of sex, have to live with the consequences of one bad decision for the rest of their lives.
There needs to be a fair playing field for both boys and girls.
We need to stop making girls jump through overwhelming hoops, and punishing them for silly mistakes they made in their youth while letting their counterparts go scott free.
Hence, the urgency of employing all of these measures described plus many more instead of simply burying our heads in the ground pretending they are not having sex, and throwing them under the bus completely when they fall pregnant accidentally.
Thank you for reading! Have a nice day. Kisses 💜💖💜💖💜💖