Category Archives: MUSIC

MAKING THE FIRST MOVE

Hi everyone πŸ‘‹πŸΏπŸ‘‹πŸΏπŸ‘‹πŸΏπŸ‘‹πŸΏ,

I’m back!

I haven’t posted anything in the last month, and that has me feeling a certain type of way. It feels like I am letting my spirit down for not writing my personal thoughts as often as I should.

So, here I am. Writing.

What should I write about?

My last three posts (this one, this one, and this one) were detailing the death and agony that was going on around me throughout the month of January this year.

January was a tough month all round.

But, February came with the much needed reprieve.

No deaths, no burials, and very few heartaches. Life slowly went back to normal.

The youth group in our church organized a Valentine’s dinner for the 15th of February. Entry was free; there was a buffet dinner, amazing music, great ambiance, great lighting and powerful speakers/relationship experts.

Of course, I had to sing a song to the audience that night because as I have told you before, dear reader, I can actually sing! The crowd loved my singing, but I still have a hard time looking at the crowd as I sing. On that night, I found myself looking up at the sky as I sang.

The sky was so beautiful that night, and yes, I am working on maintaining eye contact with the crowd throughout my performance.

Oh, which song did I sing, you ask?

Well, if you must know, I sang a rendition of the truly iconic love song, ‘Can’t help falling in love’.

I used the cover done by Jules Aurora for inspiration. She is such a talented singer!

Anyway, my performance was awesome, and I got some pretty amazing reviews after that.

Here I am performing (just in case you didn’t believe me, and need photographic evidence):

I invited literally everyone I watch football with at our local pub. So many of them came, and we had an exceptionally wonderful time. Who wouldn’t when there is free food and music?

John, my best friend, came all the way from Kilifi just for this dinner, and to hear me sing (that’s a lie; I know he came to see hot girls). Here he is eating πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

But, the most incredible thing about that night was that I actually had a date!

A date! A real date for Valentine’s. Colour me shocked because this is so unlike me. I never date. Never! I don’t go out on dates, or celebrate Valentine’s as a romantic holiday.

But, this year I did, and I am so glad.

And, get this, I’m the one who asked him to be my date. Yaaaaaaaay to girls making the first move!!

I almost died when he said yes!!

We had such a wonderful evening, and we haven’t looked back since.

He is now my boyfriend, and I am having the time of my life getting to know him better.

He makes me laugh. Hard! I’m always laughing when he’s around, and that is a beautiful thing!

He’s natural in every possible imaginable way. He doesn’t exaggerate who he is, how he feels, and there are no mind games. What you see is exactly what you get.

He’s into art and music in a way that is so captivating and enthralling, I’m just compelled to like him even more.

In these few weeks since we started dating, this man has opened me up to a world of Kenyan art and music that I had no clue existed!

Oh My God!!

We live in a capital full of orgasmic talent, and most of us are oblivious to it. We are letting little pieces of heaven slip us by. What a shame!

I was oblivious to it too for the longest time, but now that he has exposed me to this world, I feel awakened and hungry to hear, feel, see every artist’s body of work.

It’s a beautiful feeling!

Now, I can honestly say that I know authentic Kenyan artists, and that I have a favourite Kenyan band (it’s Yubu and his gang just in case you are wondering, check out their performance this previous Saturday at Dagoz Artists’ Bar below)

These guys are beyond amazing. My boyfriend sent me a link to some of their songs a couple of weeks ago, and asked me if I would like to see them perform.

I said yes, because they sounded amazing. During their performance that night, they dedicated two amazing songs to me, and for the longest time, I was breathless.

Ah, it was a beautiful feeling!

He also loves my voice ever since he heard it at that Valentine’s dinner. Because of his encouragement, I have performed thrice at Dagoz, even in front of Yubu and his gang, as well as some legendary acts like Dave Otieno, and Fariji.

I would have never thought of doing something like this. I am so glad he’s here to push me to dream even bigger.

My last performance was this last Sunday at Dagoz. I had never sang in front of such a big crowd before, and everyone there was a stranger, except my boyfriend, and my friend, Deborah.

He just asked me out of the blue if I could talk to the band to see if I could perform when they took their break. I did just that, and they said YES!!!

The crowd was mammoth, but, I wasn’t scared for some reason. It felt great being up there, and listening to my own voice was amazing.

Watching the crowd get stunned as I hit those notes is probably the most exhilarating experience I have had in my adult life. Wow!

And then, just after I had completed that number, even before the applause and the cheers had died down, they started demanding another song. I just had to do one last number for them, which they absolutely loved as well.

Oh, which songs did I perform that night, you ask?

1. Sweet talker (acoustic version) by Jessie J

2. Can’t help falling in love – Jules Aurora cover (it was still fresh in my mind)

The band members were blown away as well, and they are looking forward to jamming with me in the coming weeks ( I’ll keep you guys updated, I promise).

Honestly, all that mattered is that he loved how I performed.

I think I found my biggest fan, whose not just a fan of my voice, but of my entire essence.

I am so glad I made the first move. It has been an absolute life changer.

Goodbye everyone, and have yourselves fantastic weeks.

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I HAVE A TINY, TINY, TINY GIFT

I have a Youtube channel. I know, I know, everyone has a Youtube channel. It’s all the rave nowadays. All the cool kids have one (I do not fall under this category obviously).

There’s nothing serious about mine, it’s just for kicks. And, also a way to show off my big forehead because it too deserves love, attention, and admiration.

The main theme of the channel is football, which is by far my favorite topic ever. Don’t get me wrong. I love talking about books, about economics, the environment, evolution, about religion, about different cultures, about healthy eating, and physical exercise. But football is above all of these.

Hold up! Let me make myself very clear.

I love talking about football, but the most epic conversations, the ones I find most alluring and compelling are those that usually revolve around food and/or sex. Luckily, discussions on these topics, especially the latter, occur mainly inside my own head. I would not want to pollute any of you innocent souls with that kind of filth.

So, it’s food, sex, and THEN football, got it?

So, yeah. It’s a vlog on football and the elements that keep me interested in the game. I just blab on and on about what I found amusing, bemusing, offensive, or impressive about teams and individual players. Don’t forget the hot players with the nice beards, and the long hair.

I have been doing it for months, and it’s just so much fun. It’s like having a conversation with the mirror and having the luxury of your mirror record every single one of those conversations for future reference. This awes me for some weird reason, and I am not going to stop doing it anytime soon.

But, I have recently introduced another aspect to the vlog. A scary aspect about myself that I thought was only for me. An aspect that I had sworn I would never let anyone see until I stumbled upon the quote below:

‘If you are a gifted person, it doesn’t mean that you gained something. It means you have something to give back.’- Carl Jung.

I don’t consider myself a really gifted singer, but there’s something there, and if you struggle to listen through, you can find it. I’ve always found it, and for as long as I can remember, it’s always been my special treat for me. I sing when I’m sad, I sing when I’m happy, I sing when I’m running on empty just to get myself fired up again. I sing when I am anxious, I sing when I’m bored, and I even sing when I’m horny. I sing when I’m trying to get over something, something painful or embarrassing. I’m just constantly singing, and I have been doing it obsessively for years.

But then I came across the quote above, and it made me feel a little bit guilty. I have never really tried to share this particular gift of mine, even though we all agree that it is quite small.

It’s quite sad really because small gifts can have a huge impact (I’m not saying my singing will).

Anyway, that is why I decided to start doing rookie covers of some of the songs that have made me happy over the years. Maybe there is someone who’ll like my singing and my song collection, and it will make their day just a little bit better. Maybe there is someone who’ll find some solace in my voice like I have; maybe this is the small gift the universe intended me to give to someone else.

I don’t know; just maybe. What I do know is that I’m having a blast practicing and doing the covers. It’s just one more good thing in my life.

On that note, here’s the playlist of the covers I have done so far. Feel free to laugh it’s allowed. It’s a small gift, but it’s what I have, and it’s what I can afford to give back…

WHAT A WOMAN! WHAT A STORY!

If there is one Kenyan woman in the public stratosphere that I hold in the highest regard, other than Wangari Maathai of course, it is Esther Akoth. My reverence for this woman cannot be put into words, but I will try.

I love this woman. I love everything she embodies. She is all of the things we women have been conditioned to not be in order for the system to keep us β€˜in our place’. She is confident, she is aggressive, she is a provider, and she is a dream chaser. She makes her own path. No one can tell Akothee no, and it is such a shame that more women like these are missing within the public domain especially in our entertainment industry.

She is unaffected by all the hateful and condescending criticisms that Kenyans throw at her on an almost every day basis. We do this because we want to break her spirit. We realize she is a force and we want to put her back in her β€˜rightful’ place. She is shaking our patriarchal establishment to its core and most of us, including many of us women, were never ready for this change.

We ridicule her, her lifestyle, her music, her life choices, and we label her as a Kenyan laughing stock. But, as has become the norm for us Kenyans, we are living in denial. Akothee is not a laughing stock. The only laughing stock here is us Kenyans for not realizing the true magnitude of Akothee’s influence. She is a freaking revolution! And she is changing the narrative on a whole list of societal issues, the most important one being how single mothers, and women, in general, should view themselves.

One of the many things I have learned from her and her lifestyle is to embrace womanhood and be unapologetic about it. She is a sexual being and she is not ashamed of her body. She embraces her sexuality, and she flaunts it. She works on her body, and flaunts it some more. All those pictures of her in skimpy clothing, is for me, an appreciation of who she is and where she has come from. She looooves her body! She works hard for it. That body has given her five amazing kids, and she is literally paying tribute to the miracle that is the female body in each of those posts.

Multiple kids later, coupled with the stress of raising them on her own seemingly has not deterred her from fulfilling her idea of a healthy, sexy body. She has worked hard for that body and no one, not even a vast number of self-loathing Kenyan women, will stop her from flaunting it at every opportunity. That is more than inspirational for me as well as for the other countless women who know deep down they are not working hard enough to keep their bodies healthy and fit.

Another thing that completely blows my mind is her love life. She has had 5 kids, and her love life is still going strong. 5 kids and she still has some time to develop a sexual relationship with someone. She is a single mother of 5 kids, a musician, and a businesswoman, and she still has time to develop a serious relationship. Where does she find the energy?

This brings me to my next point. This woman is the mother of fresh starts. She has not given up on love even after her baby daddies left, one after the other. This woman has a backbone and a half. I am sure she has gone through a host of heartbreaks with the men that she has been involved with in the past, and yet, she does not let that phase her. From my armchair observations, it has actually helped her figure out the kind of man she really wants, and she is not willing to settle for less.

She is also the queen in my book for chastising the majority of women on their inability to stop relying on men for their upkeep. She has children with different fathers, yes. All these men are expected to pay child support, which is the law. However, child support or not, she hustles seriously in order to give her and her kids the best.

How many women in this country are using their children as meal tickets? How many?

You cannot put this woman down, regardless of what we and life throw at her. She should be lauded for her tenacity, her courage, and her perseverance. She deserves it.

She has risen above her circumstances countless of times, and this is something worth celebrating and idolizing.

She’s a real-life heroine and we better recognize.

#Callpolis…

STICKING TO THE BASICS, YOUR SAFE SPACE – AVICII

I LOVE being alone. On average, I spend 96-98% of every week alone. For real. No exaggeration. It’s 96% when I have to go to my mum’s church on Sunday, which I have now scheduled to once every two weeks. It is not 100% because I spend at least an hour (cumulatively) every week talking to my neighbor, Thelma (she’s awesome, saved, but awesome).

I get weird when I am around people, and it took me twenty something years to realize I cannot function properly when I am in the midst of people. I get drained when I am around people for what I consider too long, and my sub-conscious reacts in some weird way that will prompt an escape. I usually end up saying something stupid (it’s usually perverted) so that people get grossed out and I can go home. (I’d rather embarass myself silly and hate myself for it than continue with the charade).

The only friends I have (my mum, John, Julz, and Thelma, plus three girls in my mum’s church who are slowly warming up to me) are the ones who have managed to catch a glimpse beyond the weirdness I put out in public.

But, everytime I am alone I recharge. My odd routines keep me alive; they keep me happy. I feel connected to them, and I know I am safe doing them. As long as I am doing them and inside my bubble, I am safe.

My mum doesn’t like that very much. And it’s funny, because we are exactly the same. She has been in her bubble since the day I knew her, and it’s been an uphill battle trying to let each other in (it’s working though; great strides have been made; I am her official secret keeper!!).

Solitude, being able to hear my own thoughts, talking to myself, making myself laugh, taking care of myself, and enjoying my own company by doing the things I love (football, music, video games, cleaning, organizing, making lists, reading, and economics). That is me; that is the woman I have become.

Avicii (Tim Bergling) died on Friday last week and the world over mourned his loss. If you know me well, then you might know that I have never really warmed up to dance music. Maybe it is because I have never wholeheartedly explored it with the same obsessiveness and veracity that I use on the things that my brain develops interest in. And maybe that is because I have uncanny ability to automatically dislike things/people that seem to be too popular. I usually feel like such things are disingenious despite my lack of interaction with them (I know, I know, I need a psychiatrist. Why do you think I’m writing?)

Yet, somehow, I was moved (normally I would not care, but something moved me when it came to Avicii). Maybe it was the shock of him suddenly dying, or the empathy I felt for the millions of people who genuinely felt gutted by this news.

And then I started reading. I think I just wanted to know what led to his sudden demise, and I am sure that is what everyone else wanted to find out. But, I ended up finding out something much deeper about him that I wish I had known before. Maybe this would have helped me understand and appreciate HIS music just a bit better.

What did I find out exactly?

What the universe and my life experiences have been teaching me these last few years. Avicii stopped touring because he finally figured it out. Some of us are just meant to be in our minds; in our space. That’s where we thrive, that’s where we find happiness, meaning, and fulfilment.

These other external things; these ones that are outside ourselves, all they do is drain us. They cloud our judgment, make us sad, make us feel empty, and make us feel like we are not moving.

His love for music was still strong, but the other things that accompany his level of fame and touring were not him. To quote him, ‘They never came naturally..’ That’s why he decided to stop with the live concerts and go back to the drawing board.

He went back to the basics. Back to the thing that kept him awake at night. Back to his first love; alone in the studio making love to the world through music.

Unfortunately, his attempt to go beyond his own safe place, as short-lived as it was, had some devastating effects on his health. But, he still had some time to go back and do the thing that brought his life meaning, his music.

I am not famous; I doubt I will ever be. I doubt I will ever have to live through endless parties, and irritating conversations, and making music that does not excite my soul.

However, I am going to keep it real like Avicii tried to do. I am going to continue to do only those things that come naturally to me. I refuse to expose myself to environments that drain me or try to quell my weird quirks.I refuse to give up my solitude, and I will only allow those whom I feel connected with to enter.

I really wish I had listened to more of his music earlier; maybe I would have learnt a lot more.

Rest in glory! Cheers to the lessons…