Tag Archives: CHURCH

LEGALIZE ABORTION BUT EMPHASIS ON PREVENTION OF UNWANTED PREGNANCIES IN KENYA

I am a 28 year old, sexually active woman.

I have been sexually active for almost a decade now.

Gosh! Reading that last part out loud makes me feel a certain kind of way about my age.

(Weird thing on the same note: I got my driving licence exactly 10 years ago, and I have never touched the wheel of a car since then. What exactly is wrong with me?).

Anyway. Where were we?

Oh yeah, sex!

I love having sex, especially now that I do it with someone I have very strong feelings for.

Nowadays, I’m very responsible about sex. Like very responsible!

But, I wasn’t always such a good girl.

Yes, there was a time when pain, confusion, depression, and stupidity of youth ran my life.

Sex was part of my poison, and boy, did I indulge! And, in many instances, I was doing it without taking the necessary precautions.

I got away with my recklessness. I’m a lucky little girl.

Not so smart but infinitely lucky.

I didn’t get sick; I didn’t get pregnant.

How? No idea. Fortunately, my stupidity phase gradually wore out as I entered my later 20s, before I could make any life changing mistakes.

I still don’t have a strong liking for children, and I shudder to think about the kind of mother I would have become had I accidentally fallen pregnant during this tumultuous stage of my life.

I don’t know why I lack the apparently ‘inherent’ motherly instinct. I guess I just wasn’t born with it.

I would have been a bad mother, that’s a fact. Why would I have been a bad mother? Because, I’m sure I wouldn’t have wanted the child. And, being forced to keep that child would have made me resent this innocent being, because, as you know, I was a dumb child back then.

I’m sure even the shape of his/her head would have ticked me off.

It sounds mean, but it’s true. I just wasn’t ready for such a huge responsibility then.

I’m ready for the financial responsibility now, but, I don’t think I’m ready for the mental, emotional, and physical responsibility as of yet. I might be 28, but I seem to mature much slower than other females.

Emotionally that is… I’m all good in the physical sector, thank you!

Abortion is illegal in our country, and I don’t know if I would have received any help in acquiring one ‘under water’.

I hear abortion is commonplace in Kenya, but, I wouldn’t know where to start. I just don’t have the streetsmarts like other girls do.

It simply wouldn’t have been an option for me, and I’m sure it isn’t an option for millions of Kenyan girls who are/were just as naive and as reckless as I was, but also unlucky.

But, it should be an option. An option made available to the millions of horny teenage girls who are as reckless and as naive as I was back then.

People make mistakes all of the time especially when it comes to sex. I don’t see why women need to be the ones bearing the brunt of mistakes that can easily be rectified with one medical procedure.

If I had fallen pregnant at this time, I would have sought an abortion with everything in me. There’s no way I would carry a baby I didn’t want, and I wasn’t ready for simply because I would have been a pretty useless mum back then.

Motherhood is serious. You need to go into it wholeheartedly. You shouldn’t just get into it accidentally, and hope for the best, especially when you are not mature enough, and cannot support yourself and the baby.

Abortion should also be an option to girls who have been raped by strangers and by family members, and ended up pregnant.

It should be an option to women whose health and lives would be in danger if they carried a high risk pregnancy to term.

An option to women carrying nonviable pregnancies; as well as an option to women who would give birth to babies with severe defects if forced to carry their pregnancies to full term.

Abortion should be an option. A legal option to any woman in this country. An option that doesn’t carry with it any shame, or ostracism.

However, it should only just be the option of last resort.

We need to focus on preventing these unwanted pregnancies in the first place.

How?

Let’s begin by educating teenage girls on using protection everytime they engage in sex.

Not just in class. Everywhere!

Let there be government sponsored ads on billboards and on TV that specifically target young girls with the aim of informing and educating them of their individual responsibility for their own sexual health.

Let it be so in their face that any teenager or young adult engaging in sex uses protection instinctively.

We also need to start proactively giving our girls and young women access to condoms, and instilling in them the confidence to demand that their sexual partners use these every time they decide to engage in consensual sex.

It would be even more proactive to give our young girls access to female condoms so that they are completely in charge of their bodies.

Such a scenario would be so liberating!

Boys too need to be trained thoroughly on the importance of using condoms in every single sexual encounter; not just for the sake of avoiding unwanted pregnancies, but, also for their own sexual health.

While providing our girls with access to condoms and birth control, we also need to be engaging our girls on the consequences of unwanted pregnancies.

The loss of education/income opportunities, the stigma associated with early pregnancies, abandonment by the father of the child, and the physical, mental, financial, and emotional burden of having a child when you are just not ready.

If you are not ready for such a heavy responsibility, you are more than likely going to make some huge mistakes along the way.

No sane woman wants to make her child suffer the consequences of her ill-preparedness for the journey that is motherhood.

Furthermore, we need to actively educate women on seeking immediate medical attention in case of rape in order to avoid the possibility of a pregnancy, or worse, an STD.

(Can I just say that I am for the castration of male rapists especially those with pedophilic tendencies. But, this then raises the question of what would be an equal punishment for female rapists?….mmmmh, I’ll have to think further on that one).

Abortion should be made a legal and accessible option for each female in this country. But, as I said, it should only come as a last resort.

Before this, we need to pursue all preventive measures at our disposal to the fullest possible extent so that we can mitigate the risks that come with abortions, regardless of how legal and safe they may be.

It’s more than a tad unfair to make young girls, who are simply dipping their toes into the turbulent waters of sex, have to live with the consequences of one bad decision for the rest of their lives.

There needs to be a fair playing field for both boys and girls.

We need to stop making girls jump through overwhelming hoops, and punishing them for silly mistakes they made in their youth while letting their counterparts go scott free.

Hence, the urgency of employing all of these measures described plus many more instead of simply burying our heads in the ground pretending they are not having sex, and throwing them under the bus completely when they fall pregnant accidentally.

Thank you for reading! Have a nice day. Kisses 💜💖💜💖💜💖

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JANUARY 2019- THE SAD, UGLY, AND DOWNRIGHT DEADLY II

Hi there,

It’s me, again.

Here comes part 2 of the series of sad, ugly, and deadly events that have transpired around my parents and I in January 2019.

Event 2

We had barely come to terms with my elder cousin’s deadly diagnosis, when a death occurred in our church congregation.

Just last Sunday, a week after my cousin was transported to Kenyatta National Hospital for emergency treatment, we were informed that the son to one of our fellow congregants had died suddenly in his sleep.

By all accounts, this was a healthy man in his late 30s living a healthy lifestyle, and yet here he was,….gone and never to be heard from again.

He was at the peak of his life, based on testimonies from friends and family, and now, he was no more.

The saddest part is that he died an ocean away from home (he was working and residing in Australia at the time of his death).

It’s so sad that his parents and sister never got the chance to say goodbye. Or maybe they did, but they just didn’t know that that would be their last farewell. That’s even sadder.

It’s devastating to think about the pain the family is going through right at this moment, and even as we keep on going to condole with them at their residence, the shock, for both us and them, isn’t wearing off.

We were told that he died in his sleep from a brain aneurysm. The assumption that most of my fellow congregants are making is that he died peacefully without any pain. If this is true, I hope it gives the family some form of comfort.

We are waiting for the full medical report from the coroner abroad so that we can begin the process of transporting the body back here as well as the funeral arrangements.

I have never met him, but I can tell how loved he was by the grief that we are all experiencing and the pain we are feeling on behalf of the family.

You can literally see the turmoil in their eyes. His sister has lost a dear friend, a confidant, a companion…an only sibling!

His parents have lost their first born child, their only son. An unbreakable bond that’s been dissolved before their very eyes.

The three of them were so used to having him as part of their life; his presence was guaranteed. For 39 years, he was an intrinsic part of their tight knit unit. How are they supposed to move on from this?

How?

They’ll be no getting over this for them, and even for us as a church community because three of our members will forever be hurting. When one of us is hurting, we are all hurting.

This is our pain, this is our loss.

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YESTERDAY, COME AGAIN by Kui

If only we could go back to yesterday,

When I could hear you speak,

When I could hold you,

If only we could go back to yesterday,

When your smile lit up my heart,

And we talked and laughed,

If only we could go back to yesterday,

When I was sure I would see you forever,

Ah, yesterday, won’t you come back again?

And if we could go back to yesterday,

I would hold you, and not let go,

And I would pray,

Pray,

That that lonely tomorrow,

That tomorrow that’s without you,

Never should I have to live through it.

Yesterday, won’t you come back again?

Rest with the angels, our dear son 💖💖💖💖💖💖

THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON I LEARNT IN 2018

2018… it’s almost done, y’all, and I’m still here…. yaaaaaaaay!!

It’s been an interesting year for me, full of challenges, intrigues, and mysteries (psyche! My life isn’t that interesting).

I have had fun living this year, and I can honestly say that for most days in 2018, I lived my life with intention, I followed my passions (baby steps), and I remained true to myself.

For most days….

I think my biggest achievement this year was being able to prioritize my loved ones despite how crazy busy my schedule got, or I wanted it to get. I managed to do this by completely turning my life upside down (😮😮😮) in order to accommodate the people who mean the absolute world to me.

Okay, maybe I’m being a tad dramatic as all I did was relocate from the capital city to upcountry (in order to help my mum manage her farm- she’s getting old and she can’t keep traveling to and from the city in order to oversee farm activity) where I spend most of my weekdays.

On the weekends, I travel back to the capital city in order to take my darling nephews to church every Sunday (I’m a Sunday School teacher, and a deacon, remember?), and to spend time with my best friend, John.

My new lifestyle took a lot of adjusting, but, honestly it’s been worth it. I feel whole now as opposed to how I felt at the beginning of the year. The depth of my relationships with my loved ones has increased, and all I had to do was just be there, be present.

Take my mum, for instance, we’ve become absolutely inseparable since I moved to the farm, (and began to spend weekends with her in the capital city).

Before I moved, I had no idea how much her age and deteriorating health (she’s a 70 year old with high blood pressure and diabetes) was affecting her life and her mobility. Don’t get me wrong, she can still move around and stuff, but she has so many things to manage, and it’s becoming very taxing for her.

She’s also quite forgetful nowadays, and her eyesight and hearing have had better days.

There’s also the loneliness bit of it. Aging can be lonely, that’s for sure!

I would have never known the challenges my mum was facing if I hadn’t stepped out of my self-centric comfort zone.

But, I am so glad that I have gotten the opportunity to make her life, in her old age, much easier, more comfortable, and more enjoyable.

She relies on me so much nowadays (including mentally and emotionally), and it’s an absolute honour for me. This beautiful lady has sacrificed everything for my brothers and I to be where we are today- and, I am glad that I am physically close enough to her to be able to give back to her every single day in all the ways that I can 💖💖💖.

I can say the same thing about my relationships with my brothers and my best friend. My bonds with these boys is considerably stronger than they were a year ago.

I’m here when they need me, and they know that- what a spectacular feeling!!

Here’s a pic of me, two of my brothers, and my nephews.

The quality of my life has also dramatically improved- I can’t compare to how I was when I was living alone. Don’t get me wrong, living alone was immensely fun mainly because

– I like being alone most of the time (my company is that awesome),

– I am a workaholic (it’s not a good thing)

– I don’t like sharing my time (refer to the first point)

– I love routines. I am sure I have told you this before, but I absolutely love routines. Living alone meant that I could follow and enforce my own routines without anyone judging me or interrupting me

– My apartment was my sex pad, and I could dictate my sex calendar (so liberating)

BUT….

………it was still empty. Why? Because I wasn’t paying attention to the people that matter, people that actually yearn for my presence i.e. my mother, my best friend, my father, my nephews and my brothers (in that specific order).

My spirit wasn’t at peace knowing that I wasn’t giving the very best of myself to the people who have loved me through EVERY stage of my life.

There’s something very selfish about spending all of your time alone when there are people that love you and would love to share some of your time. I have been selfish for a very long while.

This by the way is my biggest weakness when it comes to relationships (familial, sexual, or romantic)- I just don’t like sharing my time with others (probably why I am still single)

But, I realize now that this is not the way to live. Something about the way I lived my life had to change in order for me to be the best daughter, the best sister, the best aunty, and the best best friend that I could possibly be.

That something involved relocating upcountry and traveling to the capital every weekend (it’s only 1 1/2 hours away).

The best part is: I was able to purchase a parcel of land just right next to my mum’s!!!😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

My biggest lesson learnt in 2018 has brought with it an abundance of blessings, and I am truly happy that I chose this path.

I have found fulfilment in sharing my time with the people I love; I have found balance; I have found purpose 💖💓💖💓💖

And, you can too.. don’t wait until it’s too late!

POLITICS, THE CHURCH, AND POSSIBLE CONFLICT OF INTEREST

So, I’m a deacon now…………………………………….

in church!

Gasp!!!!

I and other deacons were ordained last Sunday in front of the entire church (Wahu and Kamande included).

We had to kneel and say vows, and stuff (it was funny… I haven’t knelt in so long, it felt weird).

There was also no lunch or special snacks afterwards, so that kind of sucked. And, I still had to teach Sunday School (a role that I take great pride in, but I thought they would give us a break, seeing as it was such a ‘special’ day).

But, I’m not too bothered by this.

Deaconhood suits me; I wear it well, if I do say so myself. Although, technically, it’s been less than a week, and I actually haven’t done anything deacony yet.

But, I am supposed to do something deacony this Sunday, and it’s making me a bit uncomfortable.

Okay, here goes…

Our church is hosting a super Harambee (fundraiser) this coming Sunday to raise funds for a bigger sanctuary (we congregate in a nursery school; I for one think it’s cute, but you know churches and their expansionist policies)

A very important guest will be in attendance, and I am very conflicted about his possible presence on Sunday.

You guessed it!

It’s our very own deputy president of the Republic. If you’re Kenyan, I’m sure you didn’t have to try that hard to figure it out. His name has become synonymous with church fundraisers lately, so, it’s pretty obvious I was referring to him.

Now, I am not trying to be sanctimonious or nothing, because even I have a past, and the church accepts my offering every single Sunday. So why should she react differently when it comes to the deputy president’s contribution?

Well, for starters, there’s the nagging possibility that the money he’s dishing out to all of these churches is part of his ill-gotten loot (he’s perceived to be one of the most corrupt individuals in the country;- where there’s smoke, there’s always fire, people).

I have heard some of the older congregants brush this off claiming that ‘everyone steals’. I don’t think that’s true, and even if it were, shouldn’t the Church be standing up against this vice.

How?

Not accepting stolen public loot from corrupt politicians seems like a very great place to start, don’t you think?

I mean, how can the Kenyan religious fraternity claim to be admonishing corruption and at the same time be in the front lines when it comes to receiving ‘alleged’ proceeds of corruption?

I have raised this question in regards to the deputy president’s impending visit to our tiny church, and this is the response I keep receiving:

At least he is returning some of the money back to the public. He’s better than those who don’t return anything‘.

Wow!

This is just sad.

We have grown so accustomed to being stolen from as a people that we applaud those who steal from our public coffers and ‘return’ a negligible proportion of it as charity.

And, it’s not like this charity comes without strings attached.

Of course, he’s doing this for political goodwill. He knows with the Church’s support, it’s much easier to win his desired political post. Otherwise, he would have contributed silently without all of this hullabaloo.

And, how can we criticize someone when we have already accepted money from him?

I feel like his (and other politicians’) donations have the potential to gag churches disabling them from ever criticizing bad governance.

Knowing all this, how can I possibly in good conscience, appear on Sunday and perform my deacon duties?

I am so troubled…so, so, so troubled!!

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But, I hear there will be good food. I love food. Food always makes me happy, which can come in handy as I try to grapple with the realisation that we accepted *allegedly* stolen money to build a bigger sanctuary.

And I am also going to need a lot of good food because later on that evening, Arsenal will be up against Tottenham. It’s a scary game!!!

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For those who follow me on Facebook, my new position might come as a surprise to you given the numerous anti-religious posts that I share on the platform.

Don’t be alarmed! I’m not leading a double life. I have very strong criticisms about Christianity as a religion, and I am very vocal about this at home and even in church.

But, I have learnt to separate the religion/theistic dogmas from the faith. I have learnt to focus on the faith aspects of the predominant religion that I have been exposed to, and mix these with my own inherent and acquired values.

In short, I have come up with my own faith, because I feel that’s a right for every human being- to choose or create your own beliefs (sounds ridiculous I know but it works, for me at least).

And what better way to change what I think is wrong with the church than infiltrating (I use this word very lightly) the institution and working on it from the inside. I feel that this is a more effective way of fixing the problem rather than just throwing stones at the institution.

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Anyway, let’s see how Sunday goes…bye for now!!