Hallo awesome people,
With something I would like to share. It’s a bit heavy but here goes…
A friend died by suicide on the 17th of March, and it was such a devastating loss for everyone involved.
I’ve hang out with him just a couple of times after moving back home, and each time was an absolute pleasure.
The last time we hang out, it was in his father’s car at our local grocery shop. I was sitting at the back, his favourite female in the entire world was sitting at the passenger seat, while he, obviously, was on the driver’s seat.
As we waited for the attendants to load the items that were on the list into the car, we talked, laughed, and made fun of each other, and our other mutual friends.
We didn’t have a care in the world at that point, at least that’s what it seemed like. Everyone was okay, everyone was happy.
I left the two in the car as I had a short errand to run for my mum in town.
That was the last time I saw him alive. 5th March 2019.
Before this, he had graciously accepted my invitation to our church’s Valentine’s dinner back in February.
He came, and obviously, he was the life of the party.
Here he was, trying to explain what he looked for in an ideal partner.
Before this, he had been playing with an adorable three year old princess, distracting the speakers with how much fun they were having together.
He tried his best to tone it down, but the little girl was having too much fun, and he just got sucked into it completely.
You should have heard the child giggle as they played on the grass. It was the cutest thing ever!
On the afternoon of 15th February, he, along with our two mutual friends, and Sammy, had come to help me with the preparations for the dinner that would be held that evening.
The conversations were endless, and again, everyone seemed okay. Each of us seemed happy and content just being there with one another.
And now, he is no more! He’s gone, and by his own hand, nonetheless.
It just goes to show that we never really know the extent of the darkness that lies beneath our glowing smiles and hearty laughs.
And, it’s no one’s fault.
It isn’t our fault- despite the fact that we were his friends, and could have caught a glimpse of this darkness once or twice, but couldn’t do anything more for him than just laugh with him, and make everything seem okay, albeit for just a couple of minutes.
It isn’t his family’s fault either – I know they tried to show him love and support the best way they knew how. I’m sure they went above and beyond for him, and somehow, it still wasn’t enough.
Sometimes, love is simply not enough.
You can love somebody so much, with every being in your body, but still be incapable of saving them from what is eating them from the inside.
Sometimes, love isn’t enough.
Sometimes the darkness overpowers your will to go one more day.
Sometimes the thread that holds you to your loved ones becomes too miniscule compared to the monster growing inside you.
To quiet the voices, to drown the pain, you choose to do the one thing that would crush your loved ones’ hearts.
But, at least, finally you get your peace. And, eventually, you hope, that they’ll find peace in knowing that you are finally resting.
I am in no way condoning his decision, it hurts, and I can’t possibly imagine what his family is going through.
But, every time I put myself in his shoes, or in my own mother’s shoes, I can see how the battle can become overwhelming, and no amount of talk, love, or support can stop the disease, this darkness, from taking over.
Recently, (literally two days ago), we were ranked the sixth most depressed nation in the world.
That means hundreds of thousands of us are depressed, and our suicide rates are skyrocketing especially amongst our young men.
I think the best thing we can do is to be on the lookout for the earliest signs of depression in our family members, and act upon it immediately.
We need to help people fight their demons way earlier on before the disease spreads farther, and our love, support, and listening ears can’t do much to help.
It’s like cancer – early detection is the only way we can circumvent the effects of the disease.
And, depression is a disease. A serious one, and I’m tired of people my parents’ age not understanding this point, and behaving as if all those that are depressed are a bunch of entitled brats!
Some people are born predisposed to depression.
Others fall into it because of the poisonous societal conditions we’ve managed to create over the years, and seem unwilling to change at least for the sake of our collective mental health.
Right now, I’m at peace because my friend is in peace. He was so young, but somehow the disease had progressed to a point nothing we could do or say would have changed the path he chose to find that peace.
But, I know that in order to stop such a tragedy from happening again, I need to be extra ALERT and pick up on the earliest, smallest signs of depression exhibited by the people around me.
My conversations and interactions will be more meaningful, more insightful. It’s going to be me listening more rather than talking, and allowing my loved ones to be as free as possible around me.
I hope that somehow this helps, and I hope that you too, dear reader, get to do the same for your loved ones.
Goodbye until the next time I have something to tell you.