Tag Archives: Sergio Ramos

EPIC FOOTBALL NIGHTS-MAY 2019

There are some nights that live with you forever!

I’ve had three of those nights back to back. What makes these nights even more special is that I just turned 28 at the beginning of last week.

It’s been a beautiful week thanks to amazing football comebacks and feats that nearly everyone couldn’t imagine possible.

Liverpool vs Barcelona

Going into this match, we all thought that it would be a walkover for Barcelona. I mean the first leg of this draw was an absolute disaster for Liverpool, losing 3-0 to perhaps the greatest team of all time.

There was no coming back for Liverpool on this one. They had to know the situation was utterly hopeless as the game drew nearer. They just had to.

But, these, ladies and gentlemen, are mad men. They don’t understand the meaning of impossible.

And, there’s a saying about mad men getting to do the impossible.

This entire team is full of mad men. They dared to dream, they dared to fight, they dared to stare down this monumental obstacle that was on their path to Champions League glory, and overcome it.

You have to understand the gravity of the situation they found themselves in on the night of 7th May 2019.

I’ve already told you that they went into the match with a 3-0 disadvantage.

Barcelona had all of their star players fit and ready to slaughter the Reds. Messi, one of the main contenders of the GOAT title, showed up, ready to blow us away with his outer worldly skills.

Remember, he scored two of the three Barcelona goals in the first leg of this semi final draw. He was coming to finish the job, no doubt about that!

Coutinho and Suarez, two former Liverpool greats, were also in the Barca line-up.

Things weren’t looking so optimistic on the Liverpool side. Roberto Firminio, the man with the amazing teeth wasn’t going to play.

To make everything worse, neither was Salah! Salah, the man who almost singlehandedly brought life into a fading Liverpool team last season.

The man who almost led them to Champions League glory last year, but bad boy Sergio Ramos had other nefarious intentions.

Yes. That man, the Liverpool talisman, the gods’ gift to Premier League football would not be there to try and undo the damage done to his team in the first leg.

To make this entire situation absolutely soul crushing for Liverpool, they were and still are neck to neck with Manchester City for the Premier League title.

That means they’ve been working overtime just to stay on top.

Meanwhile, Barcelona had already won their domestic title, and had the weekend to relax.

No one was giving Liverpool time off to relax.

But, despite all of these seemingly insurmountable odds, Liverpool did it.

They won the chance to go to the final by defeating THE Barcelona, 4-3 on aggregate score.

They destroyed Barcelona in a way we haven’t seen it done before. It was truly orgasmic to watch.

My men of the match: Trent Alexander Arnold, Divock Origi, Virgil van Dijk, Alisson Becker and my namesake, Georginio Wijnaldum.

If there has ever been a real live football super sub in recent history, it has to be that man, Georginio (my namesake 😁😁).

And that corner kick from Trent Alexander the Arnold is an absolute masterclass from such a young player. And, let’s not forget all of the times that he stole possession from Barca players including and especially Jodi Alba.

Van Dijk is on this list because a) he gave his all in the night of question, the same way he does every night, and

b) he is soooooooooo hot. If my boyfriend and I don’t work out, I might just give Virgil a call, and see where this thing can go.

Becker made some incredible saves and kept Liverpool’s hopes alive.

And, of course Origi! Those two goals were simply sublime. And, he has Kenyan blood, so there is that.

I can’t wait to see them topple Tottenham in the final on June 1st. That is going to be another epic night.

And, I can’t wait to see Liverpool take the Premier League as well. They deserve it!

On to the next amazing night…

Tottenham vs Ajax

After that exhilarating performance by Liverpool on 7th, I was content with the level of football action I had received. I couldn’t ask for more. That would have just been selfish of me.

But, alas, the football gods must have been feeling pretty benevolent this particular week.

Tottenham managed to make a second half comeback that transformed them from underdogs to Champions League finalists.

One man Lucas Moura truly stood out in that game. He scored a hatrick within the last 41 minutes of the game to take his team to the final.

Guess you can say he’s a 41-minute type of man (a bit too long for me but I could work with it 😉😉😉).

I know, I’m nasty. Moving along swiftly…

Imagine that!

They were already three goals down by the start of the second half. There was nowhere but down for them.

And then, here comes Moura scoring a brace in less than four minutes, and adding to his night tally right at stoppage time.

Wow! If that isn’t exhilaratingly orgasmic, I don’t know what is!

Thank you Spurs for making my Wednesday night one to remember for ages to come.

I’m so proud of Moura, so so so so proud!

And now to a team that is truly close to my heart… Arsenal.

Arsenal Vs Valencia

I won’t sugarcoat it. Arsenal have been sucking balls these last few weeks. We had every opportunity to stamp our dominance in the top 4 this season, but we squandered them away, like we usually do.

But, there is hope.

We are through to the Europa finals thanks to Aubameyang’s life saving hat trick, and Lacazette’s solitary goal.

I feel like it’s been so long since we had such an amazing performance from my team. I am glad that we still got it.

And, this means we still get to go to Champions League next season, despite finishing number five on the table. Yaaaaaaaay for us!

Yeah…so I’m a pretty happy girl now! I turned 28, and the gods decided to gift me with 3 incredible football performances that absolutely blew my mind.

Cheers to many more great football nights this year, and for the rest of our lives.

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THE CL FINAL, PARENTS, AND ABORTION

To be honest, that Champions League Final was not as epic as I had anticipated it to be. Maybe because the team I was supporting lost, or maybe because they lost undeservedly. There was something really off about that game especially when Salah had to leave the game so unexpectedly.

It broke my heart. Like, literally, I felt a sharp pang inside me when he went down from that Ramos tackle. And a wave of anger, confusion, disbelief, and bewilderment washed over me as I watched him try to soldier on, and eventually leave the pitch.

There is a dark, lonely hell waiting for Ramos, I hope he knows it. (Please sign this petition in order to have him punished for his intentional assault on Salah; be a trooper and let’s change the world together).

And then there was Karius. His career is obviously over, and I hope he knows that. I am not feeling empathetic towards this man and his situation right now. I doubt I ever will. And that says a lot considering I feel sorry for almost everyone and everything, regardless of what they have done. Well, except bad popes, bad US presidents, all Kenyan presidents, and the rapist that lives in the hood I grew up in (why is this man still alive?).

Anyway, back to Karius. I am convinced he half-arsed that game; all I want to know is why. Just why. He is toooooooo fine to be making such egregious mistakes at such a stage. There has to be a reason behind his poor performance. There just has to be!

I hear he could be going to Rimini FC; let’s see how that works out.

So, my heart bled that night, that game cut me really deep. But, I noticed something else, something outside the game. I really really really really enjoy my parents’ company. I thought football was just my thing because I am the only one in this family who consistently takes the time to watch these matches. It’s a big deal because I’m the only girl…in a family of five.

But, last Saturday night, I realized that football could be a family thing. Okay, not my brothers, I feel like they feel that they have better things to do. Things I’d rather die than do. But, it could be a thing for me and my 70-year-old parents to do together; our thing on top of the other many things that we do together like going to church together, and watching and arguing about Kikuyu soap operas on Inooro.

Which reminds me; we have been having a recurring conversation over the last few Saturdays that I have visited them. It revolves around my love life; specifically my lack of one. They are a tad concerned that I do not seem to be in a hurry to find someone, scratch that, get knocked up. Yes, my parents want me to get knocked up, and they do not care whether there will be a man or not in the picture. I can even quote them word for word, but I have never really known how to write in Kikuyu, so I will spare you. My dad is particularly unbemused by the fact that I may not want to have children.

That man wants a grandbaby, and he wants one now! Too bad for him because he knows my ovaries are waiting for Miguna Miguna to become president.

So, yes, football. We had so much fun that night. I made my dad laugh so hard with one of my reactions, he nearly choked. And they love how dramatic I get in life in general, but more specifically, when I’m watching football. And my mum, the antagonist that she always is, was on Real Madrid’s side. You have not had your worst football experience as a fan until you have to live through your own mother berating you and your team, and actually celebrating as you mourn. Her taunts were like swallowing hot glass; she’s really good at it (the taunting, not the swallowing hot glass part). IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!

It felt much more fulfilling than if I was at some club somewhere, or at my place, alone. I cannot wait to watch many more games with them during the World Cup. This is going to be epic.

Oh yeah, I also found out they are pro-abortionists later on that night. I was shocked, especially hearing it from my dad. They believe women do not need to go through unwanted pregnancies. They think the reason why there are so many kids on the street, and so many kids into drug abuse is because their mothers never wanted them from the get-go. Why bring a child into this world when you know you’re never going to love them the way they deserve?

I cannot wait to uncover more layers of my parents’ inner thoughts over a series of football matches.

Happy days, people! Happy days.